I have been having terrible insomnia lately... I really don't know what to do with myself lately because when I do sleep I have fitful nightmares and wake up frequently but the rest of the time I just stay awake for hours, maybe I should try a different kind of ganja? The last 3 dreams I have had were about hiding bodies, breaking my current computer by accidentially smashing it into a brand new computer, and sneaking over the boarder. I am going to start rearranging my journal and my friend groups so that I can feel comfortable in my old LJ again. Some of you will be seeing more of me and some of you less, I hope that this can become a place where I express my joys, hopes, and victories as much as I express the other parts of my life. Because I don't know how to capture the ways my life has transformed with words I'm thinking about doing a couple of Day in My Life photo posts. I'm also thinking about making a switch to tumblr or blogger, anyone use those and wanna add me there?



In attempt to familiarize you, here is a picture from October of me and a few of my friends on an abandoned boat. I am the one with the big dorky scarf and my 2 closest girlfriends are next to me Pinche is on the left and AlNatural is on the right. Pinche is my wife, she and I live a couple cities away but that doesn't stop us from cooking for each other, lavishing attention, or thoughtful gifts upon one another. AlNatural is just as close to me as my Wife Pinche but shes not one to be tied down so we joke that shes our mistress. Al turned me on to hooping and I have known her a lot longer, recently I have been teaching her tarot and it has been very rewarding to have a student who can read for me. We take turns playing big sister and coaching each other through life; she is one of the most balanced and reciprocal friendships I've ever had. Throughout the past year we have all played an important role in each others lives, these girls are the ones who see my beauty when I am most ugly, the love in my heart when I hate myself and they are always there to celebrate my triumphs! We are the Scizz Krew! SCIZZOR ME TIMBERZ! Setting our own status quo as women! We have created a dynamic of loving appreciative confident goddess energy that multiplies itself when we are around each other. A lot of other women we know have really picked up on it and I feel like there is more of a sense of sisterhood in my friend group thanks to those two ladies. Being single hasn't been easy but to be honest my girlfriends nurture me way more than any boyfriend ever has. Who else could make me feel so lucky and loved? <3 <3 <3

A quarter of an hour ago, I was … Really thirsty so I got up to pour some juice and then internet while I drank it.

An hour ago, I was … I'm ashamed to say I was taking a nap. I haven't had too much better to do.

Six hours ago, I was … Eating breakfast with my pal Alyssa and talking about life.

Twelve hours ago, I was … Dreaming next to Alyssa.

One day ago, I was … Rapping and singing over Matts beats.

One week ago, I was … Hanging out with people who had missed me while I was in Humboldt all weekend.

One month ago, I was dancing my stolen purse woes away at the Full Moon party in Santa Cruz bonding with homies and also reached a new skill/flow level of hooping.

Six months ago, I was going to school and struggling with a deep depression surrounding my Mom and living situation.

One year ago, Having the best summer of my life thus far and finally learning how to share myself with my peers. I was almost 20!

Two years ago, I was … Preparing to see my mom for the first time since she left me as a young teenager and getting ready to move into a big new house!

Three years ago, I was … Getting excited for college and playing housewife.

Four years ago, I was … Hopelessly in love with a chronic cheater and lonely as fuck on the East Coast.

Five years ago, I was … Trying to make the best of life on the East Coast. I had just visited my family for the first time since moving there.

Seven years ago, I was … living with my Mom and her violent/abusive husband. I thought I might not live to finish highschool... then I met Anthony.

Ten years ago, I was … Moving in with my Mom and her Husband for the first time in a dinky town the size of a gas station where they would beat me up and pick on me for being different for the next couple of years.

Fifteen years ago, I was … So happy and completely oblivious to all the fucked uppedness around me. This is the most positive part of my childhood I can remember.

Twenty years ago, I was …. Just a few weeks old living in the Mountains with my Mother and Father. It was the simple life :D

Twenty-five years ago, I was … still an egg just hanging out in my Moms ovaries.

When you find
your life
is robed in layers
of lies

undress it slowly
under the sun

let the wind
carry away
all of its harnesses
and all its ornaments

let the rain flood it and flush it
until all thats left
is a concentration of light

a smooth knot of intent

and draw--paint--sculpt
a landscape
inside of you

one with no fog
no hazes
no questions

one that is
open and obvious
like a city made of glass
like a scraggy peak
against an orange sky

harden your consciousness
like an iron bar
and break the arid earth

sharpen yourself
like a knife
and plunge into the sky.

--Cordelia Brown (RIP)

I work in a building where all of our bathrooms are equipped with autoflush sensors. Everytime I go to wipe it autoflushes and sprays. I have since learned to dodge the spray but it has really tainted my work bathroom experience.

Poll #1338643
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 23

Should I dye my hair purple or brown?

I've been SO busy on my trip. As I was leaving Disneyland I heard the news, I responded by screaming jumping and skipping all the way to my hotel. I told every person I passed because I was so excited! Some Republicans may say that I'm not patriotic because I believe in making sure every American has a shot at success, free speech, and in giving the people the power. They can say whatever they want, but I LOVE my country. America deserves someone who will fight for the underdog, someone who can give America the foundation for success. It's time to take our control back from people are drunk on power. To those who voted for McCain, consider it a consolation prize that you're lucky enough to have a president that gives a shit about how you feel; if only the Democrats in 2004 had been so lucky. My heart goes out to all of the gay families who are suffering a disheartening setback.

-- Peace